Fucking apathy, how does it work?

I am extremely apathetic in real life. I just don't care or feel indifferent to a lot of things. According to my twin sis. I'm socially awkward and really, I'm fine with that. You see, after I hit 17 or so my life started to become fucked up more than it already was. Since I was a little kid, I've been diagnosed with a disease called Sickle Cell Anemia. A blood disorder. Look it up if you seem interested in it. It's fucked over my life in the ass so many times I've lost count. Even when it comes to things like education, I find myself thinking, does it really matter? After schooling is done I'm just going to be spending my life spending money to make money and killing myself over it. Now I realize that people can have and have it way worse than me but still, I feel like it just doesn't matter anymore. If only I won the lottery or something like that, I could just buy myself a small house with a crazy ass internet connection in the middle of nowhere so I don't have to fucking deal with people anymore.